Tension - Sympathy or Confrontation?

What is it that you fear most in your relationships? Some people might say “brokenness.” That sounds like the right answer. Broken relationship, be it between spouses, friends, or family members, is a horrible thing. But, the fact that we experience broken relationships tells me that there’s something we fear even more than that. What is it? Conflict!

Let me ask you this, “Is conflict a bad thing, something to be avoided at all cost?” If you’re like most, you’re inclined to agree with that. Yet Scripture is filled with commands to confront sin, both sin in your own life and in the community of believers. Frankly, conflict is a major theme of the Christian experience! Once we were at war with God. Now we are redeemed by Him and we are to be at war for God. We war against the desires of the flesh. When we’re losing that battle, we find ourselves warring against the Holy Spirit. And this doesn’t just apply to us as individuals. To Cain’s question of God, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Genesis 4:9), the biblical answer is a resounding “Amen!” Romans 15:14 says that since we are filled with goodness and knowledge, we should be admonishing one another. And Christ laid out the model for the church to confront sin within the community in Matthew 18:

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:15-20

“But that’s not very loving! I thought God is love and we are to love one another!” Well, I agree with half of that statement. Yes, we are to treat one another with love. However, sometimes, confrontation and conflict is the only truly loving response to someone, especially someone stuck in perpetual sin.

The truth is that authentic Christian community sometimes involves loving conflict. If it doesn’t, there are only two options remaining, approving of sin by keeping your silence or breaking fellowship. I’m hopeful that all of us understand that neither of those is an acceptable Christian solution. Even the instances in Scripture when you see the description of or suggestion to break fellowship, it is in order to bring reconciliation and restoration. These are HUGE Christian themes.

I won’t take time here to lay out every possible solution to confronting sin in Christian community. I simply want to convey that group life is not always characterized by sweetness. Sometimes the kindest, most loving response to a situation is confrontation.

Is group life all about building self-esteem? Hardly! Face it, healthy, intentional group life is for people who are serious about expanding the influence of Christ in His people, His church, and the world. That’s the real reason some people aren’t involved.