SG Conference – Vision & Discipleship

I had mentioned little over a week ago that I had traveled to Wilmington, DE with 10 other Coaches and Group Leaders for a 1-day Small Groups conference. Now that I’ve completed my ramblings about the various tensions you should experience in healthy group interaction, I’d like to post a few insights from the plenary sessions at the SG Conference. The speaker was Greg Bowman, so credit for these thoughts goes to him.

Today, I’d like to discuss the whole idea of Vision, what it is and why it’s so important, especially to Discipleship. First, what it is not. While many people think they know what Vision is, I find that few actually do. Sometimes, they confuse Vision with Mission. Mission is your definition of your organization. It reminds you of and tells others what “business” you’re in. Here at Grace Church, our Mission Statement is “Meeting people wherever they are and Moving them to where God wants them to be.” It’s simple and straightforward. If you’re unclear of how to be faithful at Grace, look to the Mission. Wherever you are, church, work, school, the mall, the grocery store, the soccer field, you are to be looking to engage people in edifying conversation and activities.

And Vision shouldn’t be confused with a list of Goals. Think about Discipleship. If I were to give you a list of things that a disciple of Christ does (read your Bible, pray, attend church and group, tithe, serve, witness, etc.), would that be the same as a compelling Vision for Discipleship? Of course not. These are disciplines or goals or characteristics of Discipleship, but not a Vision of Discipleship.

Vision is actually the expression of a desired future state which is decidedly better than the present state. While Vision may include concrete, measurable aspects, it is primarily qualitative. In other words, Vision answers the question, How? more than the question, What? Look at the Vision that the Lord cast for the Israelites through Moses as he led them out of Egypt toward Canaan. First, their destination wasn’t called “Canaan;” rather, reference to the land referred back to the promise of God to Abraham, “the Promised Land” (Hebrews 11:9). But look at the language about their destination,

Observe therefore all the commands I am giving you today, so that you may have the strength to go in and take over the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, and so that you may live long in the land that the LORD swore to your forefathers to give to them and their descendants, a land flowing with milk and honey. The land you are entering to take over is not like the land of Egypt, from which you have come, where you planted your seed and irrigated it by foot as in a vegetable garden. But the land you are crossing the Jordan to take possession of is a land of mountains and valleys that drinks rain from heaven. It is a land the LORD your God cares for; the eyes of the LORD your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end. So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today-- to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul-- then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied. Deuteronomy 11:8-15

Vision is vitally important to leadership because people commit to Vision. So your group should have an idea of where it is going. A group gathering is not the destination. It is the means by which you achieve the desired future state. And I don’t mean Heaven; I mean Spiritual Maturity.

But Vision without an implementation strategy isn’t good either. You have to have some sort of plan for getting to your destination. It works this way,

• Low Vision and Low Strategy lead to Ignorance – you don’t know where you’re going nor what to do next.
  
• Low Vision and High Strategy lead to Malaise – you know what to do, but you aren’t passionate about seeing it happen.
  
• High Vision and Low Strategy lead to Fear – you know that there’s something incredible in the future but you haven’t got a clue how to bring it about.
  
• High Vision and High Strategy lead to Progress – you’re excited about where you’re going and you know how to get there.

So, how are you doing as a leader? How is your group doing? Do you know why you’re getting together? Is the future clear and exciting? Do you know how to get there? Do you even think or talk like this? If you need help, this is what you should do:

• Begin talking about this as a group. Discuss what your expectations are from group. Make sure that you don’t lose sight of what we’re shooting for at Grace in our CONNECT Ministry. Then talk about what you feel you need to do to get there. This is a great time to discover the SHAPE of people in your group. What are they passionate about? What life experiences have brought them to where they are today? What wounds are they still looking to heal?
  
• Talk with your Coach. Your Coach can help you to figure out where your group needs to grow and how to bring about transformation in those areas. He wants to help. Give him a call.
  
• Be patient in the process. Discipleship is a journey. And it also involves other people. Some of those people need to get into God’s Word, maybe for the first time. Others need to begin seeking God’s guidance in exposing the areas of their life He wishes to redeem. Still others need to start working toward the implementation of the things God has already made clear to them. And some need to learn how to teach, setting themselves aside for the sake of others. And in His infinite wisdom, God has placed all these people together in your small group.

Tension - Open or Safe?

OK. The last one is perhaps the most difficult one of all. Should a group be “open” to new people or “safe” for those who are already in the group?

If you’re already in a group, can you remember back to the time before you tried it? If you’re like most, you wondered what that was going to be like. “Will I be accepted by the group?” “Will this be a place where people are finally honest about their struggles as Christians?” “Will they be safe? Can I bare my soul, take off my mask and reveal the ugliness that I know is there? Will they shriek in horror, laugh mockingly, or chastise judgmentally?” It’s fears like these that truly keep people out of group life, not busy schedules. It’s fears like these that keep a lot of Christians, even pastors isolated, lonely, and relationally cold. And it’s not a fun (or good) place to be.

But for those who are willing to take a chance, eventually they find that place of safety and acceptance. It may not be in the first group they try, but eventually they find authentic Christian community. And like every other wonderful gift from God, the wickedness of our hearts compels us to lay hold of it greedily as though God had bestowed the blessing purely for our own enjoyment.

Meanwhile, there are those on the outside, desperate, hurting, lonely, accursed souls. You say that “accursed” is too strong? Really? Isn’t prolonged solitary confinement the most horrible torture experience? Isn’t our Christian faith “relationship” rather than “religion?” Doesn’t Scripture say that reconciliation with God inherently involves reconciliation with people? And isn’t it true that Scripture teaches that those who are isolated from authentic Christian community are subject to attack from our enemy?

Even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. And I have already passed judgment on the one who did this, just as if I were present. When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord… God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked man from among you.” 1 Corinthians 5:3-5, 13

And there’s the difficulty. Christian community must be safe, but Christian community must also be inclusive. If group life is a smaller picture of the church (which I believe wholeheartedly), then every group must be open to new people. “But our group is too big for our current space!” Looks like the Lord has blessed you with an opportunity to expand the influence of your wonderful group of believers, saints who truly understand the Christian experience. “What?!?! Divide our group?!?!?!?” Not divide, but multiply your influence!

Listen, I totally understand this. I have personally experienced it about a dozen times. You have a good thing and you don’t want to mess it up. I get it! But maybe you’re looking at it the wrong way. Maybe you’re holding on to something good, but not the very best that God has for you. Maybe you’re settling. Let me put it this way. Let’s suppose for a minute that you are considering putting down $100 on a bet that could pay off 3-to-1. (Wow! I’m going to get complaints over this analogy!) Now what if I told you that the game is rigged and you are guaranteed to win? That’s what you have here in group life. If you hold on desperately to what you have, you will never experience all that God has for you. And, worse yet, there is a multitude of people who are being excluded from what God has for them in group life because the ones He has blessed think it’s all about them.

Tension - Task or Relationship?

So, what’s the point of a group experience? Is it to get together with a bunch of Christians and get into a Bible study? Some would certainly say “Yes” to that. But others would say that it’s all about fellowship. “We get enough Bible teaching. We just want to make some friends who are Christian.” Yeah, as I blogged two weeks ago, friendship has a vital role in the group experience. Is that it? Is that all there is to group life? Isn’t that something you can get in a good ABF?

Someone told me once that group is all about getting Christians out of the church. I like that, but I’d take it one step further. Group is about getting Christians to be Christian outside the church. A great example is the Serving emphasis that our groups are going thru right now. When I say that the Christian life is characterized by servanthood and that every Christian should serve, what do you think? The nursery? Children/Youth Ministry? Greeters or Ushers? Do Christians serve anyone besides their own? (Whoops, slipping into my next post. Focus, Steve!)

I had only been at Grace for six months and into our group experiment five when a fellow came to me and said, “I just realized that I am serving. Every week, I am serving the people in my group!” Welcome to St. Paul’s picture of the church! Members of a body, each fulfilling his or her designed role, not working alone, but connected one to the others and moving in harmony toward a common goal.

The church isn’t simply intended to exist. She is supposed to engage in the work of the Kingdom. God doesn’t leave us here after rescuing us because we still need to get our act together before He can take us home. He can and will do that in an instant. It’s called “glorification.” He leaves us here to be His agents in the world, His hands, His feet, His voice.

OK, here’s the really cool part about how God has put this whole plan together. When we get out of the pew and start doing for Him, together, as He intends, that is when we really grow as Christians. Sure, we need to spend time in Bible study. The Word is where we learn who God is, who we are in relation to Him, and what He has planned for us. But in His Word we learn that our lives are supposed to be about love, which means we aren’t to live them alone. And it’s in the living out life in light of this truth that we are truly faithful. It’s also where we are transformed to be made in His likeness.

You see, we wander astray when we focus too much on any one part of the life that the Lord has planned for us. We must study His Word, we must develop deep relational bonds, and we must be obedient to all He has commanded. And it’s only when we engage in all of these areas that we become what He expects of us. I recently heard it put this way: we are to be about being and doing. We cannot engage in one and not the other and still be found faithful.

Road Trip - Wilmington, DE

Next week I'll get back to the tensions in SG ministry. But today I'm headed to a Small Groups Training Conference in Wilmington, DE with 10 other leaders from our ministry. We'll be spending the day at the Growing Spiritually in Small Groups Conference at Brandywine Valley Baptist Church.

Willow Creek SG gurus Greg Bowman & Dave Treat are the featured speakers. This promises to be a great day of exposure to the world of SG philosophy and implementation strategies.

And there's a special treat for those who are traveling with me. Following the conference, we'll be stopping off at California's Ruby's Diner for dinner. When he heard this, Pastor Doug was really bummed that he couldn't come with us because he has class today.

Doug, we'll be sure we have a chocolate peanut butter shake to mourn your sad circumstances.

Tension - Sympathy or Confrontation?

What is it that you fear most in your relationships? Some people might say “brokenness.” That sounds like the right answer. Broken relationship, be it between spouses, friends, or family members, is a horrible thing. But, the fact that we experience broken relationships tells me that there’s something we fear even more than that. What is it? Conflict!

Let me ask you this, “Is conflict a bad thing, something to be avoided at all cost?” If you’re like most, you’re inclined to agree with that. Yet Scripture is filled with commands to confront sin, both sin in your own life and in the community of believers. Frankly, conflict is a major theme of the Christian experience! Once we were at war with God. Now we are redeemed by Him and we are to be at war for God. We war against the desires of the flesh. When we’re losing that battle, we find ourselves warring against the Holy Spirit. And this doesn’t just apply to us as individuals. To Cain’s question of God, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Genesis 4:9), the biblical answer is a resounding “Amen!” Romans 15:14 says that since we are filled with goodness and knowledge, we should be admonishing one another. And Christ laid out the model for the church to confront sin within the community in Matthew 18:

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:15-20

“But that’s not very loving! I thought God is love and we are to love one another!” Well, I agree with half of that statement. Yes, we are to treat one another with love. However, sometimes, confrontation and conflict is the only truly loving response to someone, especially someone stuck in perpetual sin.

The truth is that authentic Christian community sometimes involves loving conflict. If it doesn’t, there are only two options remaining, approving of sin by keeping your silence or breaking fellowship. I’m hopeful that all of us understand that neither of those is an acceptable Christian solution. Even the instances in Scripture when you see the description of or suggestion to break fellowship, it is in order to bring reconciliation and restoration. These are HUGE Christian themes.

I won’t take time here to lay out every possible solution to confronting sin in Christian community. I simply want to convey that group life is not always characterized by sweetness. Sometimes the kindest, most loving response to a situation is confrontation.

Is group life all about building self-esteem? Hardly! Face it, healthy, intentional group life is for people who are serious about expanding the influence of Christ in His people, His church, and the world. That’s the real reason some people aren’t involved.

Tension - Friendship or Accountability?

If you were to ask the average person what she is looking for in a group, you’d probably get the answer, “friendship.” The truth is that we have lots of, probably too many, superficial acquaintances in our lives. We have connections to our immediate family, at work or school, at church, in our neighborhood, to extended family, to long-term friends, and to people who share common interests. And now with social media like Facebook, you can have hundreds or thousands of even more shallow connections. Think about Twitter for a second. Twitter is a fad (yes, it has merits) by which you can share anything you like with anyone who is willing to “follow” you, but you have to do it in 140 keystrokes or less! “According to his latest tweet, he just had a great burger in Quarryville, of all places. It’s good to have such a meaningful relationship with him. I wonder if we’ll ever have a burger together!?!”

Sociologists have coined a phrase to describe life in 21st century America, “crowded loneliness.” There is so much available to do and we don’t want to miss out on any of it. And there are demands of family, friends, co-workers, etc. Lord forbid that you should have a couple kids in sports, or high school soccer (sorry, sharing my own struggle)! Yet, despite all of the connections in our lives, we remain lonely, longing for truly meaningful relationships.

Set that thought next to this one: If there is one word that is truly despised, even within the church, it would have to be “accountability.” This is at the core of our sin problem. We want to be the only voice of authority for our lives! Even Christians go into convulsive fits when they consider the thought of other Christians being able to look into their lives and speak God’s truth into what they see. Part of this is our sin; the rest is because Christians struggle with how to offer biblical counsel without coming across as holier-than-thou and judgmental. Don’t believe me? Ask a Christian who holds him accountable. I bet you will hear that he’s accountable to God alone. Better yet, ask a pastor. OK, maybe you shouldn’t.

We long for meaningful relationship because we were created as relational beings, like our God who eternally exists in and as community. It’s in our DNA. Want to torture someone? Isolate him! But, as mentioned earlier, Christian community which is supposed to be truth-telling usually tears down rather than builds up. Why? Because we don’t develop friendship!

Accountability without relationship is pointless. It falls on deaf ears. But the Bible says “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). And friendship without accountability is not biblical friendship at all. Proverbs also says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted” (27:6a).

In order for us to be fulfilled in our need for community in a God-honoring, sanctifying way, we need to be deliberately involved in authentic Christian fellowship. We need to continually choose to trust other Christians and intentionally foster intimacy and openness that allow others who genuinely seek our well-being to help us grow into the likeness of Christ. Healthy group life is the best way I know to achieve this.

Tension – Care or Discipleship?

This discussion follows closely on the previous one. People come to group with different expectations. Some are looking for teaching. You might hear these types saying things like, “I want this group to go deeper into the Word” or the more vague version “We’re looking for meat!” I sometimes wonder if the 1st century believers talked that way. They were already often accused of being cannibals because they “ate the flesh of their god.” Regardless, these people are looking for “discipleship” in their group time. However, there are others who need to experience what Christ claimed to offer His people, caring family-like community. They want and need a place of acceptance. Perhaps they are struggling with living in faithfulness. Often, they have experienced only the sham of Christian community, general friendliness that masks legalistic religion and dark, judgmental hearts.

This is actually a question pertaining to how we develop people. The people in our churches run the spectrum of spiritual maturity. And, if they are in our churches, they are also in our groups.
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Clearly, group must be about both. From the previous discussion, biblical content is the foundational, defining truth for Christian living, but it is in the implementation of that truth that learning unto transformation happens. Therefore, a healthy group balances care and “discipleship” in their time together. I continued to put that word in quotes because I believe that what the “discipleship” group means by that word and a proper biblical understanding of its significance are not the same. You see, true discipleship happens in the tension between care and Bible study.

People who say they need to connect also need solid Bible teaching; they just need to be loved first. You will lose them if you don’t take the time to build authentic Christian relationship with them. And the people who are looking for more Bible content need to learn that being like Christ is their goal. Jesus told His disciples, “You are my friends if you do what I command” (John 15:14).

Not only are group members somewhere in this spectrum. Group leaders have a preferred area also. Low care, low “discipleship” leaders are Connectors, people who deal well with superficial contact and light content. Those who are better at building real relationship are Nurturers. They are very good at ministering to people in their pain and struggles. Leaders who are low in care but higher in biblical content are Teachers. And finally, leaders who can both teach and nurture are Shepherds. The goal of group life is to get everyone in the Shepherd category.

So, where are you on the spectrum? Can I be frank at the risk of offending? I hope that grace abounds and this will be seen as a challenge to grow, not as holier-than-thou or judgmental attitude. I honestly float through these areas myself depending on season of life…

Are you the Shepherd? You should be leading a group and discipling others. And when I say “discipling” I mean that you are intentionally connecting with people wherever they are on the spectrum and investing the time and energy to help them move to be Shepherds too. Remember that Jesus came, discipled, and left. A Good Shepherd knows when His work is finished.

Are you the Nurturer? Are you building people up so that they can be whole? What would it look like for the people in your care to not need your help anymore? Are you building dependence upon you or on the Lord? In the times of care, don’t lose sight of the Great Physician.

Are you the Teacher? Why are you happy with a cold, academic Christian faith? Is it easier for you to relate to facts than to people? What does your calendar look like? Do you deal with people according to a schedule or as needs arise? What does connection look like between group meetings? Does it scare you to actually enter into someone’s suffering? The Great Teacher did exactly that.

Are you the Connector? Connection is extremely important, but it’s all Meeting and no Moving. Develop a plan for you and your group to move into deeper relationship with each other and with our Lord. Are you the person looking to be connected? Take the step of faith and try group life. The plan that Jesus laid out for His church is a great one, even though implementation is usually a little disappointing. Take courage in the knowledge that none of us has this perfectly figured out and God is at the center of it all. In our weakness, His glory shines through. Our job is to persevere, continually striving hard after Him and everything that He commanded.

If you want to know how this works in group, hang on until we look at Task or Relationship.