What To Do With the Talker…

When a group first starts out, it usually takes a bit of time to get the conversation freely flowing. People need to get to know one another and become comfortable with the environment before they open up and share. How long this takes is dependent upon a number of variables and the leader of the group is generally the one who helps or hinders this process. People tend to share best when the leader models transparency, even vulnerability, for the group.

But sometimes, group members are ready to unload. Especially in our culture, people carry tremendous burdens for fear of rejection or judgment for sharing areas of their life that they are struggling with. Whether it’s a persistent temptation or a deep wound from the past, people struggle with their desire to find support and guidance in community and their anxiety over the reaction of those trusted. Group members who share quickly have determined that the benefit of sharing outweighs the risk involved. Sometimes, the disclosure is overwhelming; sometimes it’s even inappropriate.

Groups need to be aware of the struggle that the talker is dealing with and respond in an appropriate manner. Some will want to respond with God’s truth and others with His love. Both are needed! Love without truth leads to co-dependency. Truth without love usually tends to wound rather than to promote healing. These are Meeting and Moving opportunities and we need to minister like Christ to the person sharing such issues. Remember that the Lord’s harshest words were reserved for the self-righteous, not for the broken.

Sometimes, you’ll have the person who just loves to talk. Maybe it’s deep. Maybe it’s for attention. Again, the group, especially the leader, needs to allow time and space for this person to be heard, but also limit his/her time so that everyone has a chance to engage in group discussion. Often, one-on-one time outside group is necessary to explain to the over-talker that they need to be respectful of everyone’s need to be heard. When your group gets to the point of comfort and health, you can all begin to rejoice in the talker. Remember, it’s the talker who will usually help your group to reach out to others – after all, that means more people to hear him/her talk. :o)

Enjoy this clip. Often, they are just born talkers (no comments on gender!)…