Spiritual Abuse

I just came across a great article written by a gal who has been around the block in ministry, even to planting a church. In her years of ministry with her husband, she has encountered and helped so many people wounded by ministry that she has been able to write books on the subject. The truth is that churches (and small groups) are full of sinners. Yes, even pastors, elders, and deacons are sinners! And sinners act out of their selfish desires.

Right now you should be feeling the tension in which we are called to live out our faith. God is knitting us together to be His church, the holy place where He dwells by His Spirit. Yet, we are only "saints" by declaration; we still sin, a lot! But this is actually God's design for His physical presence in the world. He expects the gospel we profess to be worked out in these circumstances. Yes, we are to be a living, dynamic gospel-in-action. Unfortunately, most Christians don't understand this. So we have people who are ground up and spit out by churches, wounded saints who have tasted of God's presence and also want to spit. There are probably some in your small group. There are certainly many in your congregation. There are many more who have checked out concerning church. Maybe you're one of them.

So, here's an excerpt from Mary DeMuth's article. She gives 10 symptoms of abusive ministries. This also applies to your group. So take a look around and see how things are going. Start by inspecting yourself. And remember, we identify problems in order to address them, not to create more pain.... Blessings, s

Spiritually abusive ministries…

1. Have a distorted view of respect. They forget the simple adage that respect is earned, not granted. Abusive leaders demand respect without having earned it by good, honest living.

2. Demand allegiance as proof of the follower’s allegiance to Christ. It’s either his/her way or no way. And if a follower deviates, he is guilty of deviating from Jesus.

3. Use exclusive language. “We’re the only ministry really following Jesus.” “We have all the right theology.” Believe their way of doing things, thinking theologically, or handling ministry and church is the only correct way. Everyone else is wrong, misguided, or stupidly naive.

4. Create a culture of fear and shame. Often, there is no grace for someone who fails to live up to the church’s or ministry’s expectation. And if someone steps outside of the often-unspoken rules, leaders shame them into compliance. Can’t admit failure but often searches out failure in others and uses that knowledge to hold others in fear and captivity. They often quote Scriptures about not touching God’s anointed or bringing accusations against an elder. Yet they often confront sin in others, particularly ones who bring up legitimate biblical issues. Or they have their circle of influence take on this task, silencing critics.

5. Often have a charismatic leader at the helm who starts off well but slips into arrogance, protectionism, and pride. Where a leader might start off being personable and interested in others’ issues, he/she eventually withdraws to a small group of “yes people” and isolates from the needs of others. Harbors a cult of personality, meaning if the central figure of the ministry or church left, the entity would collapse, as it was entirely dependent on one person to hold the place together.

6. Cultivate a dependence on one leader or leaders for spiritual information. Personal discipleship isn’t encouraged. Often the Bible gets pushed away to the fringes unless the main leader is teaching it.

7. Demand servanthood of their followers, but live prestigious, privileged lives. They live aloof from their followers and justify their extravagance as God’s favor and approval on their ministry. Unlike Jesus’ instructions to take the last seat, they often take the first seat at events and court others to grant them privileges.

8. Buffer him/herself from criticism by placing people around themselves whose only allegiance is to the leader. Views those who bring up issues as enemies. Those who were once friends/allies swiftly become enemies once a concern is raised. Sometimes, these folks are banished, told to be silent, or shamed into submission.

9. Hold to outward performance but rejects authentic spirituality. Places burdens on followers to act a certain way, dress an acceptable way, and have an acceptable lifestyle.

10. Use exclusivity for allegiance. Followers close to the leader or leaders feel like insiders. Everyone else is on the outside, though they long to be in that inner circle.

Have you ever experienced this kind of situation? What did you do? How did you heal in the aftermath? And what can we do as responsible Christ followers to expose this kind of abuse? What can we do as leaders to follow in the gentle footsteps of Jesus?

If you're interested, you can read her entire article here: http://bit.ly/urhnSK

The Wrong Way, and the Right

When we look at the church in America, we sense that there’s something horribly broken about it, but most of us can’t put our finger upon what that “something” actually is. The ones who are the most sensitive to it are teens (and ’tweens). They realize that there is a huge disconnect between what is being taught about Christian community and what they are seeing in their church, especially the leaders. But don’t you just love it when the Lord sends a prophet to tell you what is wrong.

Yes, the symptom is hypocrisy, but Eugene Peterson tells us what is causing the condition; it is a rejection of a foundational component to Christian life, acceptance of the way of Jesus. You see, in the typical church in America, we believe that a certain set of truths, if understood and accepted, will lead to eternal life. Now, consider that statement and tell me that you disagree with it. Isn’t that what we have been taught from the beginning, especially in conservative churches?

But is that what Jesus taught? Did Jesus come onto the scene with an evangelistic gun filled with apologetic bullets? Or did He rather invite people to walk with Him, to follow in His ways, and in the process, to come into a robust understanding of gospel truth? Notice what He told Thomas when asked about the way to eternity with the Father:

“I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

And Peterson points out that we have lost Christian life because we have not accepted the first step, accepting the Jesus way. At best, we have skipped it and started with truth statements from the Epistles. At worst, he claims that we have substituted the American way for the Jesus way. We have taken Jesus truth and married it to the American way of managing an organization. Disciples have become Guests. Rather than a call to die to self we invite people to consume. So people pick a church based upon the music in the “worship set” and the entire gathering ceases to be a sacred moment in the presence of our Lord. And the Children’s program has to be exciting so that kids will want to not only come back but hang out with complete strangers while parents get a little “me/us time.” And when leaders realize that the programs are not making Disciples, they hire a Discipleship Pastor and give him measurable goals, like any top-notch corporation would. And Discipleship is redefined from a life fully committed to the Lord and His mission to making sure that the programs have volunteers and the money keeps flowing into the machine. Glorifying God is replaced by making sure the organization survives. It’s the epitome of idolatry and self-worship!

It’s time that the church took another look at Jesus. Not the Jesus of our own making, the idol we have created, but the Jesus of Scripture. And we need to resist starting with truth claims about Him and look deeply at how He calls us to be. I’m not suggesting that we reject truth, but truth is the second step. First, Jesus is the way, and the Jesus way leads us into the truth in a way that creates Jesus life in us and in our churches.

The good news is that Jesus doesn’t call the religious leaders first. You don’t have to wait for your church to “get it.” Jesus rebukes the leaders who have created their kingdom where His should reign. And He calls the people. The Jesus way has always been a people movement. He is the head, and we are all members of His body. So why are we waiting for a new head? It’s not too late. Listen to His call. Hear His voice. And commit to His way. And He will lead you into truth and life. He said so.

Bridging

It's been a busy week, so I apologize for not getting something up on the blog sooner. I have been thinking a lot about creative ways to meet and reach people who don't run in our "church" circles. One of the biggest obstacles to evangelism is the fact that churches encourage new believers to sever ties to friends who are a negative influence on their "purity." Thankfully, there's a growing number of churches that are repenting of this approach to discipleship. However, the truth remains that most Christians are insulated and isolated from their mission context.

So here's what a group of young people in the south started doing to get themselves outside of their bubble. It is a way to meet people they would never meet otherwise. It's also a way to meet them naturally and, in a tangible way, to demonstrate love and acceptance. I especially like how one of the "clients" refers to the evangelists as his "friends." And this program, called "Laundry Love" is spreading all over the country. Very nice!

One more quick point: This is a bridging strategy, not evangelization. While it demonstrates love, it is not a replacement for sharing the truth of the Gospel. People still need to know the sovereignty of God, the depth of their rebellion and its cost, and especially the grace found in Jesus. So, watch the video for ideas on how to build bridges to people who need to hear about God's grace. Then, reflect deeply on how His grace has changed you into His ambassador of reconciliation, and then grab a group of friends and get busy.